▲And yet, and yet I wonder◄

I lost a friend lately, I just realized now. More than a friend, a brother. More than a brother, a fraction of my own entity. And yet, it seems like he is still here. I can feel his presence. His actions. The consequences of his actions, better said.

What if he never left.

Or maybe he left and came back. Maybe he reincarnated in me, or he lives deep inside my soul. Maybe his ghost is orbiting around my body wherever I'm at. Watching me. Waiting for me, to make, think, feel his will.

I know for a fact that I'm my own consequence. The mistakes that I've made are my reality. I'm the only one to blame. I had several opportunities that I blew, over and over. Now I'm left with my current persona, the man in the mirror that stares at the gray window. The window with-in me. My so called life.

Sometimes it takes me a minute to realize that I exist, physically speaking. That I am a living physical presence, to my discontent, I find that a little fictional. But then, I continue with my duties. Fiction dies, the air takes its place, and all thoughts are extinguished.

It's all me.

It makes me wonder if I'm part of a special mission, a being from another universe that's on earth to watch/scout/study everything life is part of, specially human behavior; being left behind with no trace, no contact. Maybe that's what a true lightworker is. I could explain my case, but there's no righteous judge to go to. There is no justice.

I don't miss my friend. I'm glad he's gone. Or isn't he?

Every hour that passes by he becomes a more of a distant memory. I could say I feel relieved. But nevertheless, I'm the one paying for his mistakes.

His death fulfills his mission, but then again maybe I'm dying so he can reincarnate...

I shouldn't waste too much time wondering about this, and yet.... 

I know.